Most of the time...you will never get answers. I'm inclined to think that that's probably best.
I remember all of the people who told me to euthanize him. He had suffered long enough and I was selfish for trying to save him. Those who don't know the whole story still say that to this day after seeing his 'first' picture. I often wonder why it's the nature of many to give up so easily? Don't get me wrong, I would have given up...I would have let him go, but I wouldn't do so until he stopped fighting himself. It would have been more selfish to euthanize him, than to let him keep trying, in my opinion.
He never gave up...not once. He has been through so much in such a short amount of time, and look at where we are now. I look back at the last four months and how they flew by...had I euthanized him, I'd have missed so much.
But, it's not about me...so, I look back on them through Tad's eyes.
I understand now why he looks at me the way he does...
It is not a look that says, 'Mommy' or 'I love you'...but more of, 'You're my hero, and I owe you everything.' It's genuine gratitude, an expression of the most powerful way to say 'thanks'.
I understand now why he acts the way he does...
He has never been given a chance to experience the world without having to fight to survive. I don't want to be blasphemous, but Tad was 'born again'. This is new to him...these experiences, he needs more time. I must remember to be patient.
I understand why he does not let me out of his sight. I understand why he goes absolutely insane when he can't see me or figure out where I am. It all makes sense...and I don't know that 'separation anxiety' is the correct term for it.
I look back at his pictures and videos from the beginning, I don't remember him looking so bad. I don't remember the severity of his many issues. But, then I realize...these are pictures and video, you can't see 'him'. You can't see his will, his fight, his spirit...maybe that is why so many protested trying to save him.
Tad has overcome so much. My battles do not compare to the war the world waged on his body. His problems make mine seem so small... I try to remember this when I'm having a bad day.
When you've lost all hope...I hope that the story of Tad creeps into your mind, and I hope that you realize that this is nothing...you can do it.
No matter how you started out...just remember you can go from Point A to Point B...Tad did it in as little as four months.